Rebecca's Journal

Funny

2004-11-11T21:50:05Z

> The Republican National Committee announced today that the Republican
> Party is changing its emblem from an elephant to a condom. The committee
> chairman explained that the condom more clearly reflects the party's
> stance today, because a condom accepts inflation, halts production,
> destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you
> a sense of security while you're actually getting screwed.

crazy dream

2004-11-09T07:45:48Z

I had the weirdest dream last night. It happens when I oversleep. Anyway...

So I can't remember the whole thing. But the jist of it is that it was in the future, and I did something illegal, and my punishment was to be used as a medical experiment. They wanted to see if they could remove all the bones and the skin from someone and keep them alive. So that's what they did with me... I was all organs and blood muscles and nothing else, and they kept me in a boxy plastic bag, in some sort of oxygen-rich solution. I was on display for a while, and people would peer at my like a museum piece. I couldn't do anything but watch, in fact, I couldn't close my eyes (no eyelids) so I was always awake and watching and not able to do or say anything or even move my plastic bag. The muscles didn't seem to do much good without bones. I could only kind of jiggle in my bag if I concentrated very hard. And if I did that, I might fall off my pedastal, so I didn't jiggle much.

Then there was some kind of revolt or riot, and I was taken from my pedastal and thrown away in some sort of sewage, septic tank. My pastic bag broke, and I spilled all over, but still I didn't die. I was able to breathe in the septic tank (hey it was a dream) but the sucky part was that my organs and parts were all floating around and no longer contained in anything. I tried to use what few limb muscles I had to keep my small intestines from floating away and getting tangled, but it was no good. I lost all sorts of little bits, like fleshy parts of my fingers that didn't have any reason to stay with the rest of my hand, without bones or skin. This was pretty scary, but I was mostly preoccupied with trying to keep my bits as together as I could. (Hold myself together... my dreams are so literal!)

Then this creature who lived in the tank, not sure what he was, saw me and realized that I was, against all odds, still alive. So he gathered up as many parts as he could find, and he said he would find someplace safe for me. He took me to live inside a huge dragon. And you know how many dragons live in castles... well this dragon was so huge, he had a castle inside of HIM. And so the sea creature introduced me to the dragon, and the dragon said I could live inside him while I put myself back together. So I lived inside the dragon, in his bodily fluids, while the dragon and sea creature helped put me back together. They used scrap metal for bones and some wiring, and a lot of plastic, and they managed to create an infrastructure for me. I looked crazy weird, my head was see-through and my arms were like a robot's, and my legs were shorter than my arms. But I was so happy to just have my eyes and my brain in the same container that I really didn't mind being not so sexy.

The dragon and I fell in love, and eventually I was able to leave his body and be outside on my own in my own makeshift body. I mostly lived in the dragon-castle anyway though; I liked it in there. The dragon had seen all my innards and loved me anyway, and I was in his innards and loved him anyway. So we lived happily ever after. Kind of.

Scary weird anxiety dream with a happy ending. And so grotesque. I never, ever want to see my colon drifting away from me toward a can of spaghetti-o's, or have my eyes float around so that I can see my own brain and part of a skinless ear. That was gross.

So yeah, thought I'd share.

New apartment

2004-10-18T19:09:28Z

Hi!

Ok I'm all moved into my new place. Just have to unpack boxes now... and I have a guest staying with me this weekend, so I have a deadline to drive me. :-)

Last night, I set up my old bed in my new bedroom, put on my pillows and blankets, and slept for about 10 hours straight. It was wonderful. Then today, I got up, showered and dressed, and walked 20 minutes to work (including coffee stop!). I am very happy with the location and the space is shaping up beautifully (thanks to Janet!)

The movers were a pain in the ass, and I am writing a nasty letter. Other than that... all is well in my world. New home, new job... time for a fresh start.

Drunk and alone

2004-10-14T16:48:02Z

Signed the lease for the new apartment yesterday afternoon! Whoo hoo.Then
I worked late last night, and went to a bar and drank alone. It was great. I needed to decompress otherwise I would implode.

Here's one of my poems from last night:

At Martin Macks

A Lincoln a drink
And I kill him again
Though this barstool won’t make me a Booth.

If inspiration were ice
I’d have drinks of insight
Though scribbles on napkins aren’t Plath.

I court drama in life
Like a good writer would
But a good writer could make it all count.

Bukowski I’m not,
Though I drink and I fuck,
Male conquests don’t require any skill.

Maybe someday I’ll find
A way to be true
To the passion I harbor somewhere.

If a screwdriver led
To a pile-driving nail
I’d drink and cum every night.

As it is, the men please me
In phases and spurts
Not nearly enough for a lifetime of slut.

There should be a word
For women like me
But I find that they’re all negative.

When this language supports
Pain and passion as one,
When duality feels like the past,

Both mother and whore
Could reside in my sex
And then maybe I will be whole --

Love me then.

Life Update

2004-10-08T23:16:59Z

Hello!

Well this week has been eventful, to say the least. Last weekend, I was falling apart. No place to live, terrified I wasn't going to perform well at my new job (and I usually perform well), sure that I was a completely failure as a human being. Then I started my period and realized most of it was PMS.

Monday, I started my new job. The job rocks... I like the people, even the most difficult client is a cakewalk. The work is easy and fun, even though it's the same ole web crap I've always done.
I'm enjoying it. And there is still some uncertainty about the permanent offer; I'm contracting for one month before getting the official offer letter, even though they made me a verbal offer. So I was really worreid I'd fuck it up. Yesterday we got a new phone system installed, however, and my name is all over it, printed on all the phones. They don't seem to have any question about whether or not I'm staying. It's a totally differnt vibe than the last time I contracted.

Unfortunately, my freelance projects weren't quite as wrapped up as they should've been, and my freelance clients were not happy with the sudden decrease in customer support. They were seriously frustrated, and deservedly so. I think I managed to salvage that though. Next week will be a different story.

I ALSO got approved for an apartment! It's on Bush at Gough (see map here) and I'm really happy about it. I can move in Sat Oct 16, and since the security deposit is smaller than most of the other places I was looking at, I might even be able to afford movers (there are no stairs)! There's no parking, but Joel is back and needs the Jeep anyway. I'm thinking of having a pub-warming, since the place is small (a 1 bedroom, so not as small as the studios I was considering) but not large enough for a housewarming. but Polk St is 3 blocks away... so yeah, a pub-warming is in order. I will get that together. It's also less than 3 blocks from the church I went to as a child, but I don't think I'll be heading back that way.

Things are looking up. I am staying at Caitlin's now, housesitting and kittysitting, and so I have the place to myself for a week while I get organized. In fact, I think I will go there now, before watching the debates.

Talk to you soon...

Dress code

2004-09-30T05:28:18Z

Well, I start my new job on Monday. Which is shockingly close to now. I am trying to get everything organized and the bulk of my projects completed, but I am not nearly far enough long for hump day. I just spent three hours on an ASP application I built last year, finding and closing connections that were left open. How sloppy WAS I when I built that thing. *sigh* at least it's better now. Now I'm going through all my papers, entering expenses into Quicken, and preparing new rental applications. Oh joy.

Funny... my new job has a documented dress code. And here I am, a loyal exhibitionist. Anyway... tomorrow I go to the storage unit to find my work clothes. There is no evening wear permitted, and I was all excited about wearing my backless black snakeskin gown with red pumps. So I thought the dress code is funny, and I'm copying it below. Think of me when you read it. ;)

Professional (for meeting with clients):
Suit, skirt, dress pants and blouse or conservative dress. Skirts and dresses may not exceed 2 inches above the knee. Strapless, backless and evening wear is not acceptable. No low-cut blouses or dresses with spaghetti straps. Closed toe style shoes are preferred, but heeled sandals are acceptable.

Business casual (for in the office daily):
Docker, casual style, capri or cropped pants. Casual blouse, polo style shirt or sleeveless blouse. Heeled sandals or loafer type shoes.

Unacceptable male/female attire:
Faded jeans, tennis shoes, boat shoes, athletic sweat socks, sweat pants, flip-flop shoes, tshirts, baseball caps, shorts.

Unacceptable female attire:
Spandex pants, 100% cotton pullon pants, step-in shoes, low-cut blouses, cropped shirts above the naval, tshirts, spaghetti strap shirts, shorts, skorts, or tank top style sundresses.

Visible body piercing, other than ears, and tattoos that show are prohibited. Traditional ear piercing is approved for ladies (no more than 3 earrings per ear) and gentlemen (no more than 1 earring per ear). No piercing of eyebrows, lips, tongues, noses, chins, etc is allowed.

(Gee I sure hope the office doesn't get hot. And WHO wears spandex to work anyway?
It will be a bit of a challenge to keep the tattoos covered...)

Employed!!! etc

2004-09-27T23:43:11Z

Awesome weekend...

Wednesday I had a job interview. Thursday, they checked my references and offered me a job! Thanks for the references: Aj, Doug, Kai, Craig! I'm so excited. The company is called Marker Seven. http://www.markerseven.com I really like them; it feels kind of like when I started at Bravo!, that I knew I would be there for a while. The only scary bit is that they are doing what Publicis did, they are hiring me as a contractor for a month to see how it goes and to make sure they get the new business they have in the pipeline. It didn't work out for me at Publicis, but I get a different vibe here, so I think that they will give me the official offer in a month. We'll see.

Thursday night I went out to Stockton to take Laurie to the Stockton dojo and introduce her around. It was fun... although only a few people were there and I want her to get good training. Thurs night, Laurie and I drank rum and ate ice cream and chatted, then went to sleep. Friday morning, Laurie and I went over to Larry and Emily's and babysat Mandy all day while Larry and Emily were at the hospital. Here's a picture of Mandy:

On Friday night, the baby was born with a full head of shocking blond hair. They named him John David Sell, after my John Little, but they are going to call him JD. I saw little JD on Saturday morning:

So cute. Saturday night I came home and went out dancing with Janet and Anna and some other boy friends. We had SO much fun. Sunday I read and slept. Nobody showed up for kids class. :-( I think we're going to have to move it to a weeknight. Today and for the rest of this week, I am cranking ass on work, trying to get things cleaned up so that I can start work at Marker Seven next Monday!!!

Everything has kicked into high gear. I'm happy and overwhelmed and excited and ready to kick ass.

New tattoo

2004-09-22T22:21:51Z

I got a new tatt yesterday. Finally a John Little Memorial tattoo. Larry and Emily came into town, and he and I got the same tattoo. I got it on my right hip and Larry got it on his right calf. Yay. Emily is about to pop.

I also had a great interview today. I might actually get a 9-5 job again. That would rock.

More soon!

Pictures

2004-09-18T00:41:45Z

Thank you to all my friends and family who helped me move! Here are a few pictures from my moving adventure:
http://www.ofoto.com/I.jsp?c=105q9gd3.8jprrspj&x=0&y=-wiibv1
(You don't have to log in)

And here are a few photos from Germany:
http://www.ofoto.com/I.jsp?c=105q9gd3.8avqq5qv&x=0&y=6e4gv2

I am now living in the Mission. Call me if you're around!

Moving more

2004-09-10T22:28:29Z

Hello!

Ok I finally feel like things are not so hard. I finally conceded that I wasn't going to be accepted for an apartment that I like and that I'm going to be living with Anna for a while. Then everything got so much easier; I found a great deal on a storage unit, which comes with a free truck rental for 4 hours to move in. So that kicks ass. I scheduled a piano mover to come on Tuesday. Mariko is packing my books for me right now. Janet's bringing me boxes tonight. Anna is emptying out her spare bedroom.

ANYONE who can help move, please come over tomorrow (Saturday) between noon and 4pm. That's when we'll be packing the truck up and taking the big furniture to storage. This truck rental thing has really given me a kick in the butt to be ready in time.

I'll be living in the mission in a few days!

Nigel thinks he's going with me (of course he is).

Packing party

2004-09-10T00:57:55Z

Hey...

Ok so things aren't so bad after all. I looked at two more places today that are really nice. One on Bush at Gough and another on Hugo near my current place, both under $1200 a month. Of course, they want my first born child, and I need nine months to put that kind of security deposit together, so I'm moving in with Anna. :-) I don't know why I am so surprised that I haven't yet been approved as a renter. I mean, I'm moving BECAUSE I can't pay my exhorbitant rent and need to downscale. So of course my credit sucks and my landlord hates me. I will just have to buy some time and save some cash up to put down a large deposit and two months rent or something ridiculous. That's the price I'll pay (quite literally) for bad financial management. Anyway...

My friends and family are so sweet, I just have to tell you all how much I love and appreciate you. Anna opened her home to me (hopefully I won't be there for too long), and she and Gretchen, Joe, Mariko, Teri, and Jonathan are all coming over tomorrow and Saturday to help me pack up my stuff. I will put most of it in storage for now.

Also, Bonnie is paying for a house cleaning service to come on Tuesday and clean the whole apartment up. How lovely.

Joel is going to New York now, so he doesn't need the jeep back yet after all. So I get to keep the car a little longer.

That's the haps. If you want to come over this weekend and help me pack up and move stuff to storage & Anna's, then just give me a call on my cell. I'm playing a fun game with SBC. They turned off my home phone yesterday for nonpayment, and I was going to run over there today and pay them, and then I was like... uh but I'm moving out. Why bother paying a reconnect fee when I'm going to be gone in a week? So now I'm just wondering how many more days/hours I have until they shut off the DSL. If I move in with Anna on Sunday, I think I can make it here online for two more days, right? Don't tell anybody at SBC that my DSL is still on. ;)

These are the little games that give my life the drama it otherwise lacks. Yeah right.

Love and smooches,
--Rebecca

Moving

2004-09-08T21:08:59Z

Well, I'm planning to start packing up on Friday (in 2 days) and I still don't know where I'm going! The bad news is:
1. The place I wanted said that I don't make enough money. I am trying to fiddle with my taxes so that I can show them a decent salary. I guess I "fiddled" with it too much at tax time with all those deductions. ;) One of the many curses of being self-employed.
2. I fell temporarily in love with another apartment that I saw online yesterday afternoon (it comes with free DSL!). I made an appointment to see it at 9am this morning... then I woke up at 9:03. Shitfuck. Also, I gave them my home phone instead of my cell number, and the phone was turned off this morning b/c my check bounced. Shitfuck2. So I'm sure they called and figured they got dicked around. I haven't had the courage to call them and try to reschedule. If I were them, I'd run away from me with haste.
3. Joel came back from Brazil. This is not bad news in itself, of course, but I've been using the jeep to look at apartments and now he gets the car back. I am going to deliver it tomorrow.

The good news is:
1. I have two more apartments to see tomorrow, and I can still submit my revised taxes to the other place who worries about my income if I can get that together by tomorrow morning.
2. I can still stay at Anna's house, and she wants me to! It would be kind of fun for a month, and then I could catch up on some other bills instead of spending all my money on moving costs. I could have the door-to-door storage people come and get my stuff and keep it for a month or two and then just drop it off at the new place.
3. Dad says I can store stuff in his garage if storage is too expensive. But then I have to get my friends to move everything... ?
4. I have so many friends who are willing to help me pack up this weekend. And whether it goes to storage or a new place, I'll still need it packed, right? :-) Love helps me feel like a human.

I am so frustrated and stressed out, but I know that things will work out for the best eventually. I just wish it were easier. I keep thinking... well that job didn't happen so there's a better one, and that apartment got fucked up so there's a better place for me. Not to get spiritual; I don't believe in god, but I think that there is some sort of pattern and place for everyone and everything... and sometimes I just keep hitting my head on the wall when I go the wrong way and it doesn't stop until I find the right way. So what's the right way NOW? My head is starting to get sore.

Ok, I have to get back to work now. If I finish this other project, I can get paid more money. Which I need to move. *sigh* I wish I could just win the lottery.

Question...

2004-09-07T22:52:39Z

WHY is there a ziploc bag in my freezer, with my name written on it in someone else's handwriting, full of tiny little butter packets? Does anybody know?

North Sea beach

2004-09-07T19:27:12Z

So we were in Mildorf, near the North Sea. We went to the "beach" twice. After a very sweet and conservative wedding reception, Hendrik's mom (Brigette), her new husband, and three of their friends, wanted to go to the North Sea to go swimming. They invited me and I said I didn't have a swimsuit. Brigette said in halting English "Is OK. We go without." So the whole wedding party went skinny dipping in the dark. Hendrik and I and the grandparents did not. The "beach" was a dike covered with grass, a cement promenade, and then steps that led through a shore of boulders to a very shallow ocean. They all waded out a ways and splashed around and then came back in. We stayed on the grass and tried to avoid the abundance of insect life. Hundreds of small flies were landing in their hair and hands and they didn't seem to care at all. Weird. I stayed away from them as best as possible and they didn't seem to like my american scent anyway (thank god).

The next day, the grandparents took us back to the sea so that I could see what it looks like when "it's gone". I didn't really understand this but when I got there, I realized that they meant that when the tide goes out, the shore actually retreats quite a bit. Like at least half a mile. It goes and comes back every six hours, they said. Hendrik and I walked out barefoot in the mud (vatt) for about 15 minutes and didn't even get anywhere near the waterline. The mud is supposed to be good for your feet though. It was funny to me, a beach bunny if I can be, to see all these people out in their swimsuits, happily sitting on lawns and then traipsing through so much mud to the water. There wasn't any sand... excpet if you count the mud, and German children happily made little mud castles. There were also many people camping in the parking lots, and windsurfing on the lagoons (on the inside side of the dyke there were some lagoons) but there was little or no wind. I assume there usually is more or there wouldn't be so many windsurfers. Germans get a minimum of 6 weeks a year vacation (lucky!) and so many families were there vacationing, camping, swimming, sunning on the lawns, rollerblading on the promenade like they were on venice beach, and well, walking in mud. Germans are weird.

Germany, etc

2004-09-07T16:35:16Z

Hello!

Ok so here's what's up. The short version (as if I can ever truly be concise).

1. Germany...
I went to Germany this weekend for Hendrik's mom's wedding. (Someone asked me why I was going, and I said for my second mother-in-law's third wedding. hehe... modern families...) It was beautiful. We stayed with Hendrik's grandparents in a small down called Mildorf near the North Sea. It is (kindof) an island, with the ocean on half of it and canals on the other half. The English used it to contain German citizens in WWII because of this (they didn't move there until the 80's though). Anyway, it was gorgeous and his grandparents are so sweet. His grandfather could speak a few words of English; he used to build bridges for the English during the war. His grandmother spoke none, except for counting to 10 and saying I love you, which was so sweet. We had a lovely time. Their house was tiny and sweet. The wedding was really just a reception (the ceremony was private) and the food was the best I've eaten in Germany (which, uh, isn't saying much). I will post some photos when I can.

2. Apartments...
I am having some trouble getting accepted for the apartment I want. I am going to try to find some tax docs today to fax to them. Otherwise I am going to have to apply somewhere else. The deal is that they need good credit and for the salary to be 3 times the rent. Hendrik is cosigning for me, but they have a weird policy that if I am using him as a cosignor for credit, then i have to have the salary by myself, but if I am using him for a cosignor for salary, then i have to have good credit myself. My credit sucks and I am self-employed, so they don't like me right now. I'll see what I can do today... otherwise I will start looking again tomorrow. This is VERY VERY stressful, as I'm supposed to move out THIS WEEKEND. I will be at Anna's house in a week if I can't solve this problem shortly. More soon. As for moving, Mariko is coming over on Friday to help me pack. Gretchen and Joe are coming up on Friday night to help me on Saturday. I only need to know if I need to rent a storage unit or if I will have a home to move to. Any other offers for help this weekend would be great! I have barely started packing.

3. Work. I am trying to finish my work. The one project from hell (survey) is done and waiting payment so that I can pay the progammer. I have other work to do, but the priority for today is to save a project that I've fucked up due to procrastination and delay. I will be collecting quotes from designers and programmers this week if you're interested in any freelance work (design + ASP .Net). Email me if you want to get the RFP. I also am looking for fulltime work. I no longer feel effective self-employed and I want a salary.

4. I'm on the rag and horny as HELL. What's up with my hormones? I don't have any time to think about boys though. Work and moving are top priorities.

5. I've missed class for the last week and a half and I dreamed about training last night. I will be at class tonight, come hell or highwater. I hope my friends are ready to get a beating. I am full of stress.

Back to work...
--Rebecca

Kaiser

2004-08-27T22:20:43Z

Kaiser emailed me... They said "No, thank you." Other job opportunities for project management are appreciated!

Feeling better

2004-08-27T21:39:48Z

Hi!

My eyes watered like hell this morning and the swelling has gone now. That really helps me feel normal.

I managed to sleep for a few hours last night. I saw two awesome apartments in my price range: one on 17th @ Irving and one at 20th @ Judah. Sending in my application now. I had lunch with Teri and we talked about things; it was nice. Although my eyes watered so much during lunch, people may have though she was making me cry. ;) Kai went to the bank and talked them into releasing my held funds early, probably next Monday. He's a rockstar.

Now I'm packing up to go to Luke's seminar. A day or two of smacking people with swords and I'll feel better in no time. My friend Laurie is going to train too! Yay for recruiting hot chicks to the Bujinkan.

Next week is completely earmarked for focused work and it looks like I'll be able to get everything done before I go to Germany next weekend! And I have an appointment for the jeep at 10am Monday morning.

It's hot as hell, and so am I. Who needs money anyway. ;)

Can't Cry

2004-08-27T10:11:24Z

I can't cry. There's some weird blockage in my tear ducts or the pores under my eyes or something ridiculous like that, having to do with the plane flight or Portland pollen or who knows. My eyes are all dried out and the doc said I have to put a warm compress on my eyes 4 times a day for 10 minutes each. That's like an hour when you can't see or work on the computer. I also have to drink a ton of water to fight dehydration and wear my glasses instead of contacts. I thought it would help to cry and clear my eyes out, so I tried, but nothing happened. I made myself sob and my nose started running, but no tears came. It's funny how I cry when I want to be strong, and be silent when I want to cry. It's always been a problem, except in acting class. So now my eyes hurt and I can't cry. I'm so stressed out, crying would help too. But I'm in that emergency crisis mode where I know crying will reduce efficiency, and I don't have someone to hold me so I can let go.

I can't sleep. I was working late, trying to get things back on schedule, and I need to get up early tomorrow, so I went to bed. There is one mosquito in my room that keeps buzzing around my head, just when I'm about to drift off. So I read for a while; I have a new book by Sherman Alexie that I just love: Ten Little Indians. It's a collection of ten short stories about Spokane Indians, post 9/11. He is just so amazing. I love him. So I was reading Alexie, and the mosquito actually had the nerve to land on my book. I tried to smash her, but she is one fast little piece of lightning. Why do I have mosquitos? Where are my spiders? Have they moved out ahead of me? Do they know where I'm going?

I can't pay my bills. A client paid me, and I made a deposit today, but they put it on hold for 7 business days; that's 9 regular days, and way past when my rent is due. All this is punishment for another client's check that bounced last month. Kai is going to go to the home branch tomorrow and see if he can get them to release the hold early. In the meantime, I am going to hope that my landlord doesn't follow up on that eviction notice on my door. He can't kick me out, I don't think. I am going to send out some more invoices in the morning and hope someone has cash on hand. I am ready for this hand-to-mouth billing game to end permanently. I am solving finances before the end of the year.

I can't go to New Jersey/New York/Boston the last week of September. I am too broke and will not have my security deposit back yet. What was I thinking? Was I huffing when I made those plans?

I can't wait to move to a new cheaper apartment, I can't breathe deeply enough, I can't stand in my kitchen, I can't find my favorite earrings, I can't wear my contacts, I can't rely on the car, I can't wait for this transition period to be over so that I can feel in control of my life again. I have a 3 month plan, a 2 year plan, and a 5 year plan. I have brains and guts and skills. I have friends who love me.

I can't *not* keep going.

What's going on

2004-08-26T03:52:29Z

Hey... I know it's been ages since I've updated my journal, but there's just so much going on right now and I don't have time to tell people individually! So here's the scoop:

Jobs: I am still self-employed, but independent. Kai and I have closed the partnership and connected-dots will be no more as of September. I have projects for at least another month. I am looking for a full-time salaried job.

Interview: I interviewed with Kaiser (thanks Thai) and I *think* it went well. Unfortunately, I haven't heard anything yet. Possibilities are that they are interviewing someone else and waiting, or thinking, or whatever. Also, my email has had serious problems, so they may have sent me a note and I did not get it. I may have done worse than I think. I will call tomorrow to check in.

Email: My domain was spoofed by spammers who sent email from frost@thebecca.net and susan@thebecca.net and all sorts of bullshit spoofs. Then my IP got blacklisted, and not only was I slammed with spam addressed to me, but also slammed with failure notices from spam sent from my domain. I have moved my domain back to Joel's server with his hard-core security and hopefully this will stop. In the meantime, if you didn't get mail I said I sent you, or if you sent me mail and I didn't respond... resend it and let me know. All should be well as of Thursday. If you have a site on my web server, your email should continue to work normally and should be fine.

Work: Work is fucking bullshit. I have too many projects that are overdue and the overlap is killing me. I have plans to get it all under control within the next week. I hate myself for getting behind schedule and letting my clients down, but that makes me not efficient working so I have to try to just work and not beat myself up.

Vacation: Although I was overloaded with work, I took a short trip to Portland this weekend to see Lori and the kids. They were awesome... their house is on the edge of a forest, and it was so relaxing. I came back with more energy than when I left so I hope that means I can focus on getting shit DONE. :-) Lori is a fabulous artist and we went to galleries to see her work. Her site is www.lorilatham.com Maddie (17) had a birthday party at a karaoke place and I was the only "adult" invited. It was really fun. She also made me a wallet out of duct tape. Jamie (13) was also adorable and taught me new card games. They are all foodies, and we ate so well... it shouldn't be legal. :-)

Car: As some of you know, I have my ex-hubby's car while he's out of the country. I had some trouble with Joel's jeep last Thursday night, and was ALMOST stuck in Lodi. Which is worse than the song. But I got it sorted out and have an appointment with the mechanic tomorrow. Trouble is, I have plans to be in Sacramento for a martial arts seminar this weekend and now I'm worried about getting there, if the car isn't fixed in time. It could be serious. We'll see.

Apartment: I have given notice to be out of here by Sept 15. The place I wanted to move to, however, didn't pan out as planned. So I now have exactly 21 days to find a new apartment. I have an appointment to see 3 apartments on Friday... one of them is in the same building on 10th Ave where I used to live! I will be moving the weekend of Sept 12 if all goes according to plan, and I'll send out a new address when I have one. Let me know if you have time to help pack!

I think that's everything... I can't wait until the move is over and I can breathe again. I hope to spend more time with my friends (you!) after this period of transition is over.

Love and kisses,
--Rebecca

Thoughts and News

2004-03-18T09:09:19Z

Hey...

My friend Evan has a brain tumor and the doctors aren't sure if he's going to live for more than another year. That completely sucks. He's wonderful, and only 30 years old, married to an awesome girl. I think it's shitty. But life always throws curve-balls. I can only hope that a) something crazy happens and he recovers, or the tumor stops growing.. b) the last year of his life is wonderful and c) I can be a good friend and ease his and his wife's troubles.

As for all about me, I am trying to remember that simply because I love people and surround myself with tons of wonderful friends, that I will likely lose some of them. It's just math. And it's the kind of odds that I willingly play in order to have these people in my life.

In other news. I've been rereading The Sweeter the Juice, which is a great book about interracial relationships and how many black people have passed as white over the years. Something like 85% of white americans have black "blood" and while 90% of black americans have white "blood". The book is a family story of reunion and all that sappy stuff, but it's also a great perspective on american history. It's really very fascinating how racial tensions change the course of family, social and political history on the large scale. I think you should read it. ;)

Also, I can't believe this gay marriage thing is such a big flipping deal. Even people I like and thought i respected express concern. It's stupid. Lame folks in the media who are simply homophobic go on and on about the institution of marriage (which straight people have done perfectly well with abusing). People who are well-intentioned but confused say "sure they should be together, but you can't just go breaking the law. We should change the law and THEN they can get married." Well the law doesn't get changed until enough people show that it's stupid. Women tried to vote before it was legal. Black americans rode the bus in front before it was legal. Do you think they should've WAITED until we decided it was a good idea? There's not going to be any RIOTING IN THE STREETS if people profess love and commitment to each other. And no one is going to try to marry their pet or their mother because they decide that should be legal too and it's not. Times change and the law is always slow to catch up. We have to FORCE it. It's called revolution, goddammit. San Francisco has been so happy since Valentine's Day. I can't believe people think it's wrong. You have to MOVE them. Force change or our country will be sitting in diapers.

What else. I am trying to focus on this year's goal: control my debt before it controls me. I have been making progress, and I hope to halve my creditors by the end of the year. It's hard though, and I really want to go out and spend all my money at the bar, but I don't. I am looking forward to moving this summer. I think having a smaller, cheaper place where I can be alone and focus on fixing things will be good for me.

In the shorter term... I can't wait for Japan. 2 more weeks!!! Whoo hoo. Does anybody know what the weather will be like? I only wish Evan could go.

Forward courtesy of Barbara...

2004-03-11T10:38:27Z

I think we can all relate to this one:

I was due later in the week for an appointment
with the gynecologist. Early one morning, I
received a call from the doctor's office to tell
me that I had been rescheduled for that morning
at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off
to work and school and it was already around 8:45
am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes,
so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra
effort over hygiene when making such visits, but
this time I wasn't going to be able to make the
full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my
pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next
to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in
"that area" to make sure I was at least
presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes
basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car
and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes
when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as
I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked
over at the other side of the room and pretended
that I was in Paris or some other place a million
miles away. I was a little surprised when the
doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort
this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief
and went home. The rest of the day was normal...
some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc.

After school when my six year old daughter was
playing, she called out from the bathroom,
"Mommy, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get
another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No,
I need the one that was here by the sink, it had
all my glitter and sparkles in it!"

Update

2004-03-02T03:43:57Z

Hello my dear readers. I'm sure you are waiting with baited breath for my next raunchy story, but I'm not feeling real raunchy today. ;) I got a little bit of a cough so I slept a lot...

I am super-broke woman but I'm getting one check from a client tomorrow and more next week. So I should be able to pay my rent (I owe for Feb AND March!) and catch up on bills. I am not answering my home phone due to bill-collectors though, so call me on my CELL! I have a few projects closing up this month (March) so if all goes well, I should get some more money coming in before Japan (cross fingers and toes!!!)

I wish Keisha had won Best Actress. She's so cute and talented. Charlize is awesome, but she was obviously acting, whereas both Keisha and Diane were acting so well, you couldn't really tell. Whalerider kicks ass.

Did I mention that I'm moving in June? Yes, Marian is moving in with her friend and I will be moving into a smaller/cheaper apartment. Hopefully in the same hood. I'm trying to clean up my credit and get a fulltime job before I fill out rental applications, so let me know if you have any lead on a good job for me. Don't forget; I am Mexico. (That is not relevant.)

I am glad to be moving, however, because my downstairs neighbor is freaking me out. We have a little lake on our roof from all the rain, and she says that the water is leaking through the walls and collecting in her closet floors (she's on the bottom). She says this means that the entire building is now unstable and will collapse if we have a small earthquake. I'm not sure it's that extreme but it freaks me out anyway. Unfortunately, I can't complain to the landlord because I am so overdue on rent.

What else is going on. I partied hearty this last weekend at a martini bar in LODI of all places. It was my friend Laurie's birthday, and that's where she lives. So hey, the sacrifices I make for my friends. :-) It was a good time, but a little awkward at moments. A married couple was there... good friends of mine, L and E... they are so much fun and I love them both. I have a great time out with L alone, and a great time out with E alone, but when they're together and they start their married bickering, it's just not so much fun anymore.

I also went to a seminar on Saturday during the day. I learned how to throw knives, which is pretty hard. You have to learn the right distance considering the length of the knife, your height, and how you throw. Interesting stuff.

We have a few new kids in the kids class. 2 new girls and a little boy. Thanks to Patrick for posting fliers at his son's school. One of these days I need to go out and do serious flier coverage myself. It worked well at that school... how do I get it in more?

What else. This weekend is Mariko's birthday and I promised her we'd do this crazy army thing. A National Guard open house. She and Thai and I will be the only girls there. I hope it doesn't exhaust me and I make my gender look good.

That's enough for now. I have to be crazy functional spec writing woman. I'll write more when it's more interesting.

Love and kisses,
--Me

GetFuzzy

2004-02-27T20:53:28Z

Book Quiz

2004-02-21T01:36:37Z

You're The Poisonwood Bible!

by Barbara Kingsolver

Deeply rooted in a religious background, you have since become both
isolated and schizophrenic. You were naively sure that your actions would help people,
but of course they were resistant to your message and ultimately disaster ensued. Since
you can see so many sides of the same issue, you are both wise beyond your years and
tied to worthless perspectives. If you were a type of waffle, it would be
Belgian.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Cinco de Me-yo baby

2004-02-20T23:01:06Z

You're Mexico!

While some people think you're poor and maybe a little corrupt, you
know where it's at, enjoying good food and nice beaches. You like to take things a
little slower than those around you, and you really wish the air were cleaner, but sometimes
compromises must be made. For some reason, Chevrolet keeps trying to sell you Novas
as well, even though they don't really go.
Take
the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid